"The toilet is backed up again. Even though I made some individual choices to flush things down the toilet that don't belong, I think the cause of the problem is that they just don't make toilets great anymore. Even though I gladly purchased the toilet at cheaply at Walmart, I wish it was made by Americans."
"The last two plumbers I called, I didn't really like them very much. They showed up a little late, charged me a bit more than I wanted. Sure, the toilet didn't leak anymore and there actually wasn't any water damage that required repairs, but I'm sick of plumbers. Instead of a plumber, I'm going to hire a real estate agent to fix my toilet."
"I hired a real estate agent to fix my toilet. He doesn't have any experience in plumbing, but I see signs up all over town with his picture on houses for sale. He's gotta be the man for the job"
"When I asked him how he'd fix my toilet, he didn't give any details on how to fix a toilet; he answered with reasons why the toilet breaking wasn't our fault and how plumbers are to blame and how people who rent apartments have driven up the price for toilets because they don't pay to fix them themselves."
"He told me that he had the strongest plunger in the world and told me he wasn't afraid to use it. He had no trouble disconnecting the water from the toilet and that it would never leak again after that. Makes sense to me."
"He made a lot of personal insults toward my previous plumber and other plumbers who were trying to get the job. He made comments about where their wrenches came from, how small their augers were and how they looked tired when they showed up to the job. These were great reasons to select the real estate agent with no plumbing experience to fix my toilet."
"He talked a lot about how America used to have great toilets, but how sinks and showers came into our bathrooms and made them worse... about how people shouldn't be afraid to say stuff like "my shower has poor water pressure", because people use to say things like that all the time."
"He talked about us and them. I know that "us" refers to me, the people who like the way bathrooms used to be."
"Despite the fact that the real estate agent made a lot of his money buying and selling houses without regard for how the rental tenants would be affected by those sales, I really don't trust where plumbers get their money."
"The real estate agent fixing our toilet, he talked a lot about American values. I really felt like I could have a beer with him which is more important to me than if he can actually fix my toilet."
"He sold a bunch of houses with broken toilets before, but they still sold, I think, since I saw his face on the sign."
"How different could it be to sell houses than to fix them? I mean, common, both involve houses."
"You know, I'm going to hire the real estate agent, because I just don't like what the plumber's spouse did when he was fixing someone's roof 18 years ago."
"I feel like my pipes are safer with a real estate agent watching them who makes a lot of brash statements than I do a plumber."
"I asked the real estate agent for more details on his plan for fixing the toilet and he told me he had lots of great plans and that I'd have the greatest toilet again."