What I was asked to accomplish this week - it's just too much. In a house full of stress, I'm the one who has to look, act and be unaffected. No affect. No effects.
But that wasn't me today. I have a son who studies me, copies me, plays me like an actor's role. I did not give him the script he needed today. I gave him impulsive, angry, swearing and nasty dad. I have a daughter who just wants to please me. There was none of that today. And a wife who just wants my support on a difficult day at work and as a parent - I listened - but the reactions were not right.
We all woke up at 3am. That happens sometimes. My son missed his medications at school today somehow. He's failing there at times. I can tell him how to succeed, he can know it - but he won't do it unless he sees me do it. My daughter was just too tired to function.
The left hooks, right jab work combinations all day and technology drops the ball. And I drop the ball. And at the same time it's like I'm painting an incomplete idea, erasing more than making. It never looks good.
But this will all be tomorrow soon. Tomorrow, goal one is to be a better dad. The role of the lifetime for me.